2020: Top lessons learned + thoughts to go along
2020 has been a bit of a different year for me than it has been for most. It’s actually been the best year of my life – hands down. The first 3 months before COVID have a lot to do with that; there was an incredible collection of experiences, people, and new ventures packed into a short timeframe.
Then also a renewed mindset going into 2020 in general, and specifically COVID. I had gone through A JOURNEY in 2019. This new mindset, I’d say, is the biggest reason why 2020 has been the best year of my life, in tandem with the people around me. A lot of work went into building this environment for myself.
And of course, the many different ways in which I am privileged and have specific circumstances that made COVID less negatively impactful to my life.
I’m in my late 20s, very healthy, have a solid financial grounding, hold a job in tech that can be done remote, and am living in LA as a transplant, away from any older family members. My low personal risk in the pandemic world and lack of exposure to those who are high risk has created a unique lens to my life.
I also live in Los Angeles (vs NYC or other cities that aren’t sunny every day) which has allowed me to be outside all of the time and stay generally spread out from others.
So what I’ve experienced in 2020 and the lessons I’ve learned will not mirror the general public.
I’ve certainly felt so conflicted for much of the year. I’m able to be with friends and go explore nature, while others have been stuck completely at home. My financial security is expanding while others have lost their job and are struggling for money (it’s OUTRAGEOUS how much of an impact the pandemic has had on income disparity and small business owners in specific sectors, in the US and around the world). I have an abundance of time to seek new ways for personal growth while, for example, parents now need to spend even more of their time taking care of their children. I live in a community (read mostly white, upper class 20 and 30 year olds) that does not need as much immediate support with pandemic related issues – beyond the mental health struggles that everyone is going through globally. And I haven’t been impacted by some of the gnarly wildfires I saw firsthand in Australia, California, and Oregon.
While I am conscious of all this (and have taken time to truly educate myself about important topics facing our society…beyond the headlines), I also realize that this journey is my own. I can be conscious of not exposing other humans to any unnecessary or unwanted risks during the pandemic, and still find a way to make the best of things along the way. Sometimes, for me, this has meant more opportunity to experience the world in 2020 than most – per the reasons above.
At times I have questioned whether I am “doing enough” to be a service to those who are less privileged to me – in whatever way I, or others choose to define “enough”. However, I recognize that I cannot solve all the problems that others are facing, and I must focus on living by my own principles, not being a negative burden to others, and helping others when I can (I’ve donated to a few charities and supported a few friends who had lost their job). This process, I will evolve at over time. And I am continuing to soul search on ways to give back more that feel most aligned to me.
With all that said, in 2020, I’ve adjusted to my personal “new normal” and it has been quite the year.
I definitely do not prefer being in a pandemic. I hate that it limits human interaction. It’s been a jolt to the life systems I’ve had in place. I don’t like not being able to attend events. And it has limited me personally with projects I have related to sharing and creating experiences / events.
But there have definitely been so so many positives and learnings that have come about from having to adjust, both on a personal and a societal level.
At the beginning of quarantine, I predicted that we would need to stay at home and since I did not have a family close by, or even a large space to share with friends, I gathered a group of close friends to quarantine in an Airbnb with for 6 weeks. They became family during that time and it turned out to be one of the most impactful experiences of my life.
After that experience, we ended up getting closer and closer with many of the people who were living in the same local community with me who also mostly do not have families nearby; many of the same people who I had been building a community with in late 2019 / early 2020. We’ve gone on multiple trips into nature and have gotten SO VULNERABLE about what’s going on in our minds, including the unique challenges thee pandemic has brought about.
And we’ve built up an even stronger foundation of the community we were beginning to form begin the pandemic. I’m blessed to be around such a beautiful group of humans. We’ve indulged with each other, experienced how beautiful California and surrounding states are through visiting national parks, danced away our emotions, talked so many layers of existentialism, and are always brainstorming on how we can most positively impact the world. It’s a mindset that I feel so compelled to share and spread – through posts like this, content shares, individual conversations and experiences I ultimately create. I am grateful that the pandemic forced us all to slow down and connect on much deeper levels.
I was also able to still host a few events for others (a goal of mine going forward). Before COVID I was supporting Good Work House events and hosting some my own – including a few virtual events during the peak of stay-at-home. And I brought together more good people while the virus spread was slowing down. MORE OF THAT to come in 2021 and beyond 😉
Finally, one of my best memories of 2020 was going to surprise my mom for a week in Florida. She is living alone and COVID has been tough on her. It was so fun to literally show up at her doorstep unannounced and see her reaction. We had one of the best weeks I’ve ever had with her – including attending a drive-in daredevil show. HA
Given all that context, here are the 20 life lessons I’ve learned in 2020!
- We must focus on the things we ARE doing, not the things we are not (i.e. what we are “missing out” on)
- We are so infinitely small in the expanse of the universe that we are only experiencing a finite fraction of time / experiences anyways.
- We will never even do / learn everything on this planet that happens in our lifetime
- And we are constantly “missing out” on an infinite amount of things at any given time
- It is just not important to worry about all the things we are not doing or don’t end up making time to do; unless those ultimately help you with what we are doing
- Simultaneously we are so BIG relative to all the atoms that make us and the world up. And we are often a large fraction of the experience that the people around us have. So what we do and how we show up for others IS IMPORTANT
- Release expectations and attachment to specific outcomes; focus instead on what you can control
- Manage the downsides, set your environment, and submit yourself to the unknown
- Doing and experiencing is greater than consuming
- If you do something you will become it. If you want to be something, do it
- For me that has been getting a road bike, starting to host events, and being a leader in deep social connection
- You can go faster alone, further together
- Just jump in the muddy water, or the ocean, or whatever it is!
- Being different is OK. In fact, lean into your differences. You will love yourself more and others will love you more too
- Focus on the people who are there, not the people who are not
- Spend time finding out what your passions truly are. Live that. Spend time finding out what your friends passions truly are. Support them.
- Share your feelings and what’s on your mind with people you are close to; you might be surprised who’s having the same thoughts
- Our thoughts are all normal and valid; you’ll learn this more strongly when you get deep with others
- Holding space for others is one of the most beautiful gifts you can give
- Take a friend on a hike and ask them to tell you their story
- Intentions are so so powerful
- For me “the feeling will pass” and my MOUNTAINS acronym in 2020 have truly impacted how I experience the world
- So many more have come in years before
- When you are feeling lost, not important, or not included, go solve that for others (host, support, etc.). You’re not the only one. Focusing on others, will help solve those for yourself
- Also, you can’t feel not important when you are the one who is hosting something 🙂
- You are not responsible for other people’s emotions
- Don’t put too much emphasis on how someone reacts to your action
- Focus instead on how you show up, the environment you set, and the actions you take
- You don’t always know how or why someone is experiencing the moments you are sharing
- Open spaces in life are so important for growth and evolution
- Sometimes you need to say no to things just to do NOTHING (see life lesson below)
- No plans on a vacation can lead to your best experiences (for me this was an epic random folk festival in Australia and hiking solo for a week in Tasmania)
- If you have free time in your life, you open up the opportunity to say “Yes” to things that are more spontaneous
- Take time to process your thoughts in solitude, with no external stimuli (maybe throw in some plant medicine or find a guided ceremony if you feel so inclined)
- Nature is fucking amazing, especially for solo realizations, and disconnecting from the rest of the world with friends
- It’s so important to break out of your bubble and experience new environments (I miss travel for this)
- Ask for more than what you expect when you are negotiating
- If you feel like dancing or stretching for no reason at all, do it
And for me 3 of the biggest things I’ve realized personally
- My favorite thing in the world is to bring moments of joy to others, big or little…and especially when it’s a surprise
- I love my body so so much and am very grateful for all that it is capable of doing.
- I love and appreciate my mind in a similar way
In 2021, I will continue to nourish both my mind and body appropriately to give myself ultimate energy. And I will pursue ways to bring this mindset and impactful moments of joy to others.
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